The Rise and Fall of Gunstar 141

Not for the meek of heart...

2009-07-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

I'm a profane, irreverent megalomaniac. And I have a good time doing it. It's in my nature. Most of my friends accept the fact that they're going to hear some fairly absurd things come out of my mouth. Sometimes they'll laugh, sometimes they'll stare in open-mouthed wonder that such a thing could actually be uttered out of a human mouth. I've been told that some of my utterances prove my part demon nature. I've even heard I could make the Devil blush! High praise, if you ask me...

But the point is, for better or worse, that I have come to be comfortable with who I am. My friends may shake their heads, and they may wonder how any human being's synaptic process could be that skewed, how that many neurons could misfire. But they're still my friends because they too have their quirks, as do we all. We have to wear many faces during our lives, our day to day existence. We sometimes have to subdue our basic nature so that we don't totally offend and appall the majority. But trying to suppress your basic nature is a mistake. Not being yourself, not being who you are, not saying what you really feel can be of more harm to you, in the long run, than to any you might offend.

BE YOURSELF! Life is truly too short not to be. Don't go out of your way to offend, but be who you are. Profane, sexy, silly, subversive, submissive, dominant, whatever. Enjoy who you are, and you'll be AMAZED at how many others will smile with you...

Dei dono sum quod sum - By the Grace of God, I am who I am

Run Amok and Get your Gun on!

Subject to change without notice...

2009-06-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

That's life for you. Sometimes, you'll make a change because of where you are, and sometimes things will happen to you, and you'll have to adjust and adapt. Life is a full contact sport, and not for the faint of heart. It can be a capricious, wayward bitch one moment, and it can be a wonderous and incredible thing the next. It can also pass you by in a heartbeat, and will NEVER wait for you to catch up.

No matter where you are in life - Up, down, smiling, frowning, know that things can and will change. It's inevitable. But for God's sake, please play. You may not always win, but you won't always lose either. There is nothing worse than being on the sidelines for this incredible, dangerous, fun, scary thing we call life. Go live it and see what happens. You might really enjoy it!

Get ready for battle and Get your Gun on!

The Modern Warfare 2 Trailer

2009-05-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

Violence in video games? Check! Check out the ultra violent, ultra cool lookin' trailer for Call of Duty - Modern Warfare 2

90 Miles from Yuma, on the Highway to Hell

2009-05-12T22:13:00.000-07:00

For some odd reason, this was the title of a mix tape that I made, back when mix tapes were still made. Probably the reason Just Saying No is such a good idea. Anyways, it make me think back to some past journeys, and my current (mis)adventure(s). Life is fluid. Thinking you'll just be able to travel a straight path is an illusion. At least in my experience. It's about ups, downs, smiles and frowns. Great glory, heartbreaking agony and defeat. If you don't try, if you don't dare, if you don't risk, you are bound to lead a very lackluster life. Our greatest victories usually come after some of our most painful defeats. Do you sit on the sidelines, instead of getting in the game and playing, because you'd rather not take a painful hit? Do you choose to play it safe, rather than strike out on your own, take the risk of greatness, or ruin, and instead settle for a life of quiet desperation? Do you not try for love, even if it can lead to heartbreak and pain? Life is Risk. If you don't take chances, you sentence yourself to a prison of your own making....

Teddy Roosevelt's quote from Citizenship in a Republic will always stand out to me - "It is not the critic who counts: not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes up short again and again, because there is no effort without error or shortcoming, but who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, who spends himself for a worthy cause; who, at the best, knows, in the end, the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat."

And on a lighter note, if you've never seen Texts From Last Night, GO NOW! When you can find gems like "(812): Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support." and "(830): If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice", how can you NOT love this site?

Live Fast, Die Hard and Get your Gun on!

The size of the fight in the dog...

2009-04-26T01:52:00.000-07:00

It's nice to have the occasional good day, to balance out the tough ones. The Law of Large Numbers, as applicable to Sales, says you will have X number of absolute crap days of getting kicked in the teeth and beaten like a step child before you have that one day that makes it all worth while. Problem is, X is a variable. May be 1. May be 15. May be 10 to the 44th power. You can probably stand after one punch. Or two. Three. Four. But after 10, etc., it gets a little tougher to keep in the fight. And staying the duration is ALWAYS what it's about. You may learn it's not a fight you want to be in and bow out. You may find that you just don't have the endurance to stay the course. You may not want to just stopping fists with your face....

But if you stay the course, and keep in the fight, you may find that you get your chance to strike, and make your mark, and that it WAS all worth it. And that is a sweet and wonderful feeling. I can't say I've landed that knockout punch yet, but I got three good jabs in over the last couple days that may help get there. And I've found that it was because of having a good corner, (e.g. good friends). In particular, I owe a big debt of gratitude to a new friend, who has been incredible in her encouragement and support, and just being there. It's amazing how MUCH of a difference that makes. I'm used to fighting with a broken sword against Hell's Legions all by myself. It's incredible knowing that you have some support behind you to bolster your spirits and gird your loins, metaphorically speaking.

In summation, fight the good fight, but don't do it alone, if you don't have to. You'd be amazed who can, and will help you, and what a difference it makes!

Raise your Swords and Get your Gun on!

Kalinka

2009-04-26T01:44:00.001-07:00

The End of All Hope

2009-04-11T22:29:00.000-07:00

Love Hellgate London and this Nightwish tune. One particular reason is the combination of the tune, with the fight. In this day, this time, this moment, it DOES feel like a fight, every goddamn day, just to survive. We may not be fighting horned, tailed denizens of Hell, but we DO have no shortage of demons to fight these days. And it can feel like you're VERY much alone, sometimes, in this fight. But know the hordes shall not prevail. Know you have allies, who will help. That you will succeed, you WILL conquer. It may not be this battle. It may not be the next. But keep in the fight, NEVER falter, NEVER fail and NEVER die! You will be triumphant! We ALL will succeed!

Draw your Sword and Get your Gun on!

Star Wars, Dallas Style....

2009-04-02T23:10:00.001-07:00

Finish this Sentence...

2009-03-20T21:28:00.000-07:00

Finish This Sentence...This fun little game came from the minxy and wonderful Shibari. Let's play, what say...

1. My relationship...... is currently only an online affair. Don't know if it will go further. Hope it does...

2. Maybe I should... learn to be more realistic about my expectations of others.

3. I love.... and therein lies the problem.

4. People would say that I'm......any number of things. Often complimentary. Sometimes not.

5. I don't understand.... Where the hell I'm supposed to fit into the grand scheme of things. Sometimes, I feel like the driving
force, sometimes I wonder why I was put on this dirtball...

6. When I wake up in the morning......I'm kinda surprised.

7. I lost.....my ability to see the world with an open mind. I find I'm MUCH more judgemental and cynical.

8. Life is.....a goddamn battle, at times...

9. My past is......my sins remembered. I can remember some very good times, but I can also remember some heroic fuckups, missteps and the people I've hurt doing it.

10. I get annoyed when.....people lie to me, or keep things from me. I don't always LIKE honesty, but I do appreciate it. I HATE not knowing, for better or for worse...

11. Parties are......Fun, if I'm with the right group of people. Otherwise, it's just free booze and food and I'm out pretty quick. Hate large groups of people I don't know...

12. I wish.......I had a true love, partner in crime, with me right now. It sucks going it alone...

13. Dogs......I wish I could have one again. Only reason I'd want a house.

14. Cats..... are appetizers or furry, screeching hairball machines
15. Tomorrow......Had better be better than today. I'm tired of being tired and getting my ass kicked. I live to fight another battle, but this can only go on for so long...

16. I have a low tolerance......for bullshit. For people who lie to me and think I'll still be their friends. For people who keep secrets from me, thinking that I won't find out. I have a low tolerance for a lot of things.

17. If I had a million dollars......I'd be debt free, have money in the bank, and I might even own my condo down in Santa Barbara. I'd have options.

18. I'm totally terrified.....of failing

19. My significant other....... is a question mark. I don't know if she's ready for me. Such is war.

20 My life is : Really a fucking fight right now. I'm SO close to some really good shit, but I'm REALLY tired of having to fight this hard to get it. Even I have my limits...

21. Yesterday: Was a long, busy, productive day.

22. My parents... and I haven't talked in over 15 years. No plans on changing that. Such is war.

24. The person who posted this first is.....Someone I love, someone who makes me smile, and someone who frustrates the hell out of me at times...

25. In 6 months......Kicking ass, taking names and back on top of the world again.

26. In 5 years.....Kicking more ass, taking more names and have a true partner in crime at my side!

27. If I could I WOULD : Be the best that I could, and take care of the ones I love and care for.

28. When I was 21...a delinquent shithead

29. When I was 30... Celebrating my birthday in New Orleans, with some really good friends, and trying to figure out what I wanted to really do with my life...

30. When I was 7.....I was a kid in Balboa, playing with Hot Wheels, watching Scooby Doo and generally having the best time of my life, in reflection...

Vid of the Week - White Chicks and Gang Signs

2009-03-16T21:00:00.000-07:00

C'mon, you know you love them! Check out the Vid of the Week - White Chicks and Gang Signs

Play the hand you're dealt

2009-03-08T13:48:00.000-07:00

Life can be a miserable, rotten bitch at times. Life can also make you the happiest man alive, when things go your way. You will NEVER have just one or the other. Until death, I guess...

Recently, life has been a challenge. Not just for me, but for lots of folks. I've had no few challenges maintaining even a semblance of optimism. I've had no shortage of serious doubts about my chosen career path, certain aspects of my personal life, some friendships, lots of shit. When it rains, it pours. But I decided to hang in there, live and fight another day. Had nothing to lose, everything to win. Now, finally, it's like breaking the surface, getting that first, incredible breath of air when you've been drowning. I believe more goodness will come, but not without a fight. Not a one of us will have an easy time, in the next couple of years. A lot will change. But I sincerely believe that if you have the strength to just fight like hell to the end of the day, you have a chance for one more. With the possibilities there of. Stay in the fight, get what's yours.

Be Tenacious and Get your Gun on!

Vid of the Week - JukeBox Hero

2009-03-01T20:37:00.000-08:00

A certain someone I know REALLY likes this song, so I figured it would be in my best interest to learn the lyrics. Check out the Vid of the Week - Jukebox Hero

It's the little things...

2009-02-27T23:35:00.000-08:00

I truly believe that your friends are the family you make. Some will fall out of your life, because of their deeds and words, and new ones will come in to replace them in your fold. From my previous rants on the subject, you know I have some pretty strong definitions of what I consider a friend. Someone who's willing to go to bat for you, come hell or high water, public opinion be damned. And sometimes, it will cost them dearly. And that doesn't make them falter a heartbeat in lending a hand, or defending you. And they do it not because they know you'll return the favor, or make it up to them. They do it because they believe in you, as a person.

Another true quality I believe every true friend has is the ability to pick you up when you're down. It doesn't have to be major, sometimes just a few words. But the feeling they evoke, the sense of well being? Priceless. Example given - I have a really cool friend, and partner in crime that I met on Twitter. Her name is Shibari. She's put up with more of my bullshit, and ranting, and raving and general stupidity than any human should have to suffer. She's also been able to turn days around , put a smile on my face, when I felt like the goddamn sky was falling down on my head. With a few simple, but heartfelt words. You can't buy that. It has to be given. And when it is, it can make you feel like Superman! Or, at the very least, make you laugh, possibly at yourself, and get you out of the funk you're in. Either way works. But it's SO important!

In conclusion, the moral of this ramble is that if you don't have people in your life like this, then find them. If you have people who are ANYTHING less, or try to hurt you or make you feel less than happy or perfect, then ditch their asses and tell them to get bent. Life is too short, and too painful as is. Be Happy! Have Fun! Run amok and act badly with like minded compatriots!

Be Excellent to Each Other and Get your Gun on!

Whoop that Trick!

2009-02-22T22:22:00.000-08:00

From the Hustle and Flow soundtrack, my favorite war chant - Whoop that Trick!

Because I play to win, and survival's the game...

2009-02-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

I rediscovered an old 2Pac song I happen to love, called Strugglin' It was from his second album, when he was comin' up, and it has lyrics that strike a chord. I'm back in that serious FTW mode. Life has done its level best to see if I would fail, I would fall. I haven't. Now you'd best be prepared for me to take my turn and see if your ass is still standing when I come after you. It's OUR turn to get what's ours! Take no prisoners, assail life! It is true that only the strong survive, so find that core of courage and put yourself on the warpath. Accept no less than what is your due...

A Mushashi quote I just found on Twitter sums it up nicely - With your spirit calm, attack with a feeling of constantly crushing the enemy, from first to last.

Kill at Will and Get your Gun on!

Wherever I may roam

2009-02-13T18:12:00.000-08:00

Life is an adventure, there is no question. Sometimes you reachthe sublime heights of joy. Other times you learn of the depths of misery and despair. I'd mentioned a couple weeks back that a friend of mine, who I'd been in Vegas for my birthday weekend, died in Afghanistan. Had to go pick his body up with his wife last weekend. What was amazing to me was that, while she was sad, she reflected on the good things that were, and how much fun her and her husband, my friend had had together. The amazing daughter they'd created. It was truly inspirational. No doubt, she will have hard times, and I'll try to be there for her. But I know she'll survive, and I believe that she'll even be a stronger woman for it.

Out of the most dire adversity can come true strength. I have been lucky enough to have some incredible friends in my life who have been a constant source of it for me, as hopefully I have been for them. You are not alone. There are people who have your back. That will ride with you, come hell or high water. In spirit, or in flesh, you never walk alone...

Never Falter, Never Fail, Never Die and Get your Gun on!

Never a dull moment

2009-01-29T23:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sure you've noticed some rather big changes. Where I used to be a link dumper, this is now becoming my personal therapy session. So is Twitter. I live there, nights anyways, so if you actually want to see my foul mouth and ill-tempered ass in action, go there.

I'm finding life to be full of surprises. From death comes new life. What was written off as beyond any hope of redemption becomes viable again. From fear comes strength. Out of animosity comes love. Odd recalibrations of diametric opposition. A lot of change, mostly for the better. Still trying to get a handle on how life can whipsaw this much, but I guess you just have to take some things on faith. And be thankful for them. While I have had some challenging times recently, it has give me the chance to be very thankful for what I do have. You can choose to be a selfish fuck, completely inwardly focused, or you can make a decision and do something for others, and therefore have them do unto you. I'm not always the quickest to catch on, but I DO eventually get it.

Look for opportunities to help. Start with those closest to you, and then branch out. I'm not suggesting random altruism. I mean bolster your own defences. Those you help closet to you may be your staunchest allies when the chips are down for you. Make your own army!

I have to sign off, but I leaveyou with this one thought - Fear is the little Mindkiller. If you let it rule you, your battle is already lost.

Live Hard and Get your Gun on!

Eddie Izzard explains WWII

2009-01-25T21:02:00.001-08:00

Band of the Hand

2009-01-17T18:17:00.000-08:00

Listen to me Mr. Pussyman
This might be your last night in a bed so soft
We're not pimps on the make, politicians on the take,
You can't pay us off.

We're gonna blow up your home of Voodoo
And watch it burn without any regret
We got the power we're the new government,
You just don't know it yet.

Bob Dylan's song is a poignant reminder to me that it's not about layin' down and accepting the inevitable, but fighting for what's right. I've helped one friend get out of her funk, and now she's on her feet and runnin'. Workin' on helpin' another get a job. On my part, it's been working on getting out of the mire, internal and external, that has allowed me to think some truly dark thoughts lately. Sometimes just surviving the moment, no matter how painful, is all we can and what we need to do. Out of your darkest hour can come your most shining triumph. We will ALL have pain and misery and suffering and Hell that we will go through. But if we remember that we're not alone, tomorrow is another day and that we CAN and WILL survive it, there is NOTHING that can't be done! Should the Man be holding you down, remember to draw a sharp blade and slit his belly. My Scottish ancestors actually developed a blade simply for the act of knifing someone who forced them into submission. Nemo Me Impune Lacessit - No one assails me with impunity...

And remember this, first and foremost - If there are people in your life who are baggage, ditch 'em. A friend, by definition, is someone who is there in your WORST moments. Who doesn't judge you by your fuck-ups, but is there to help pick you up. And kick your ass. And do what needs to be done to get you back on your feet. Anything less is not, by my definition, a friend.

Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory lasts forever

Carpe Jugula, and Get your Gun on!

"Tell my wife and children I love them" with his last breath"

2009-01-11T09:01:00.000-08:00

One of the opening lines to Kid Rock's Amen. A friend of mine was declared KIA seven minutes before I was due to call his wife that his patrol had gone missing 48 hours prior, and was going to be officially declared MIA. His wife knew what's what, and that he'd taken a dangerous job, but talking to his daughter was something I wasn't prepared for. There really is no manual for telling a little girl that her daddy was brave, and protecting folks like her mommy and her, but that he'd fallen in the line of duty and wouldn't be coming back...

Life is too short. Don't make the mistake of thinking that a friend or love one will be around tomorrow. Say what you need to right now. Or regret it later.

And to my brothers and sisters in the 2/1194th, Never Falter, Never Fail and Never Die!

And Get your Gun on!

No Alibies

2009-01-09T22:58:00.001-08:00

I beg your pardon, hello darlin'
This is me you're talkin' to...

Have a friend of almost 20 years who is about to someone I don't talk to ever again. My friends share certain common personality traits with me. Their usually nucking futs. They have no few personality quirks. They may have some disgusting habits. They're almost universally dirtbags. And when they give their word, you can take it to the bank, figuratively and literally.

Until now.

Now, I have a friend who has consistently lied to me. I turned a blind eye, early on, thinking it was just circumstance. No. The evidence was there, I just choose not to see it. Now, after all is said and done, he'd going to have cost me almost $15k. I'd like to say it's not the money, because it is. I went out on a limb to help him. Told him I needed it repaid, quickly. Now I'm getting jacked around. And he's now a debtor, instead of someone who I would have once have gone to the wall for.

Life will throw shit like this at you. It's not always pleasant, and you don't always get what you want. I'm sorry to have lost him, and I hope, for his sake, he eventually gets his shit together. Before someone puts a bullet or two between his eyes...

Beware in Time and Get your Gun on!

And in with the New....

2009-01-04T14:27:00.000-08:00

From what was the train wreck that was 2008, (at least on my end), 2009 is inspiring a renewed sense of optimism, and dare I say hope! Still broke as hell, but that will turn around shortly. Met someone, albeit online, who is shaping up to be a delightful partner in crime and playmate. May or may not go anywhere, but it's nice. I actually feel like things are on an upswing.

And, of course, this all has the possibility of crashing down. But with date roll, I believe, comes a new, clean slate. We can choose our own destinies. It may not turn out exactly the way we want it to, but that's life, and that's OK. I choose to believe I wasn't put on this planet to be alone, or to suffer. With each moment, we make choices. Choose life....

I sincerely hope for the best for all! Get out there and Get YOUR Gun on!

Movie Etiquette

2009-01-03T00:09:00.001-08:00

Out with the Old - In with the New

2008-12-31T18:28:00.000-08:00

*clink clink clink clink* People! It is time to rejoice! We know what a demonic and evil beast was. But the Dragon has been slain! We make feast of its corpse and get ready for a New Year! Celebrate what is to be, not the evil of what was!

1. New Friends and New adventures. While 2008 wasn't exactly my favorite, it did yield a few new gems. Meeting a vixen the likes of Shibari, and a few select others good new friends, have made me look forward to the coming year.

2. Approach the New Year with optimism, and caution. Trouble doesn't go away simply because you make platitudes and hope for the best. Acknowledge the presence of evil, prepare for it, but don't be debilitated by it. Don't go into the dragon's lair blind....

3. Live. It's too easy to get caught up in the miasma and crap that can do it's level best to fuck us up, make us feel like less than we are. Enjoy life for what it offers, and if it isn't doing what you'd like, then make it better!

My send off song for 2008 - Water by Breaking Benjamin. "My engine's runnin' on dry, my head's so fucked up inside..." Lapdance, by NERD will bring in the New!

Now go boldly forward and make 2009 a year that makes them scream YOUR name!

Kick Ass, Take Names, and Get your Gun on!

Second to last post of the year

2008-12-30T23:08:00.001-08:00

Okay, we're almost there. This foul Year of our Lord, 2008, Anno Domini, will soon be put to rest. It's like slaying the evil dragon that's decimated village after village. A rapacious creature hellbent on the wanton destruction of life, and the pursuit of happiness. NEVER! Stand tall, my warriors! Raise your swords on high, Cry Havoc, and let us go once more into the breach, and into a new, brighter tomorrow. Mixed metaphors, anyone?

My ramble's point is that we are done, figuratively and literally with what, (for me, and many of mine), has bee a pretty shitty year. 2009, even if it is 48 hours, (or less) away, is a symbolic, fresh start. Take as little of the pain baggage with you as you can. There WILL be new challenges, but there will also bring new reason to hope, cheer, smile and maybe even have a little fun!

May you have a VERY Happy New Year and Get your Gun ON!!!